Humans are notorious for taking the easy way out of their problems. Blaming others for their own issues, ultimately living in a false reality of lies and deceit. A false realm where, instead of helping themselves and everything around them progress by being accountable, they try to take down others with negative actions or comments. In the end, never benefiting from the learning moments presented in each and every moment of a persons daily life.
Over the years horses have been continually teaching me how to hold myself more accountable. With horsemanship, you always here people blame their horses for bad behavior. Such as Sprinkles wont do this or Sprinkles is being a jerk, but what they should be asking is what they should be doing differently to help Sprinkles succeed. Changing the focus from a “problem” horse on to the incompetent rider, at which point you can then progress forward. This is not to say I have mastered it myself, only saying the progression I have made up to now has been with an open mind, learning from the horse instead of blaming the horse for my ineptness.
Say you started to blame a horse or a person for a problem, once this occurs, you immediately give up your reasoning capabilities to positively affect the outcome. Instead of keeping a conscious thought process of what could be done differently to benefit all parties, emotions start guiding the decisions leading to irrational outcomes that can become harmful to all parties. To help keep yourself on a beneficial track, ask yourself; Am I doing everything in my power to positively influence the outcome of the current situation in the smoothest, least resistant manor possible? That one question will help you control your emotions in tough situations and keep yourself accountable for your actions.
There were, and still are, many reasons I lose control of my emotions while working with horses or people. Mostly originating from my lack of knowledge, experience, and understanding. Being the beginner that I am, I don’t understand the process or have the patience necessary to help the horse through certain situations which, in the end, angers me beyond productive reasoning and results.
Luckily my mentors had introduced me to the study of awareness (http://horseproblemsolved.com/2013/07/28/study-of-awareness/) early on, allowing me to become more aware of my emotions in all situations. Once I was aware of those emotions, I was capable of managing them to start thinking more cumulatively, instead of impulsively. This process keeps my ego and emotions from getting in the way, helping me slow down to listen and learn from all experiences.
By doing this I started to take control of my problems and life I suppose. Where I used to try and blame other people or horses for “their” problems I suddenly reversed the view point. Even if people were wrong, instead of blaming them, I tried to figure out what I could do to be more personally proactive. Meaning, instead of thinking how I could change the people, I started to think how I could change a situation to benefit everyone.
Example: The other morning I went to start the tractor to load hay on a flat bed truck to feed all the critters around the ranch. I jumped in the tractor to start it and the key was left on which drained the battery. I went to get the charger from the shop and the shop was locked. An hour later, I was able to enter the shop to grab the charger in which I was going to transport to the tractor in a small red truck. The truck was also dead and had a significantly flat tire to go along with it.
Old thought process: Get pissed off as I fixed the problem and hold the anger from the situation with me all day. Taking the anger out on others for no reason at all.
New Thought Process: Good deal, now I can catch both vehicles together, instead of running across the situations separately. I wonder how I can help people avoid this from ever happening again?
Old Solution: Do nothing about the situation except hold the anger, from fixing others mistakes, within myself. Holding the anger inside me through out the whole day, taking a little bit of the anger out on every person and horse that I encountered.
New Solution: Accidents happen, but how can I help others avoid this from ever happening again? My thought was to make instructions with labelled pictures that covered how to properly turn off the vehicles. Taking those instructions and putting them inside the vehicles in a position that no one could miss them. If that didn’t work, how else could I adjust the situation to further help others avoid similar problems?
Instead of always blaming other people for certain problems/situations, step back and take a long hard look in the mirror. Asking yourself if you did everything in your power to have a positive influence on the situation or did you become a self complacent expert of blowing smoke up your own rear end to where you actually started believing it? Nothing bothers me more then people who look to blame their horses or other people for their problems or even worse, they take out there frustrations on other people and horses. Stop blaming others for your problems and start holding yourself accountable for your actions and or lack there of. Taking control of the only thing a person truly has any control over, themselves.